What does matter,
when one could be standing
in the most beautiful places on earth
but still stare blankly?
Or being in middle of the loudest crowd
but still hear silence?
What does matter,
when nowhere feels right
cause anywhere feels wrong?
Where does one go,
when home doesn't even
feel like home?
Whom to blame,
when the face looking back in the mirror
cursing me in silence?
Dear beloved,
Forgive me
for not being brave enough
to show up on your doorstep
while time's still a friend.
Forgive me
for my indecisiveness,
for giving up the hours,
days and months to my fears.
Forgive me
I never learned my lessons
thus time has turned its back
and sentenced me with guilt.
Dear beloved,
This is my hindsight and apology.
And if I'm meant to be forfeited in this lifetime,
hereby with all the shards
of faith I still had left,
with every prayer
and every breath
I am still allowed
to take,
I will forever reside and wait
at the doorstep
of your heart.
-a.n.l.
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