Folklore.
The album that caught everyone off guard.
I'm not a big fan of Taylor Swift. But I admit that she is one of the greatest lyricist and musician of this generation. Her talent and capability to pour her feelings into songs and turning her songs into episodes of story-telling, are indeed remarkable.
Since last year I catch myself appreciating her songs (again) more than ever. From All too well, This Love, The Archer, Daylight, Death By A Thousand Cuts, and oh how it's getting even real now with This is me trying.
It might be impossible to choose which track in Folklore is the best written ones. From My tears ricochet, Illicit affairs, August, The 1, all of them are just so honest, vulnerable and beautifully written. As if they are written personally for me, or for everyone who ever felt all those unexplained emotions and past situations. But track 9 got me the most.
The vulnerability of This is me trying just left me speechless the first time I was listening to those words and haunting music. The simplicity of daunting phrases that summing up guilt, self-doubt, attempt, regret, wound, hope, past, and present. So I decide to dedicate a blog post special for this track.
Some of my favourite lines:
"They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential"
-- my interpretation; people say your boundary exists only in your head, that you confine yourself to what you're capable of based on fears and hesitance. So you're practically the one who wastes your own opportunities and self potential, not anyone else. They don't pay attention to the fact that when your mental and heart wound you so badly that it didn't let you live your life as you planned to.
"I was so ahead of the curve, that the curve became a sphere
Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here"
-- the perks of being a quite unnormal child.. I never found the circle that fit me, I never found myself like any other child in my classes, or was it the other way round? Was I always ahead of time? So far ahead that I caught up running in a sphere? This had me questioning myself, would I end up somewhere else if I did better back when I was young? Fitting into those social expectations?
"I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that"
-- would you care? I'm dying to know. Would it change anything if I stay?
"Could've followed my fears all the way down"
-- I could follow the road back aside my fears but what would I expect there? The same anxiety and fears I used to go through?
"It's hard to be anywhere these days
When all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel
On the one screen in my town"
-- what would you do, if you had to choose between your heart and your mind? Between the past and the future? The days you spent somewhere new, while all you could think of was the one you love? What would you do if no matter how far you go and how hard you try to forget, those memories keep coming back at you?
Well.
This song seemed to haunt me every night ever since I heard it. Perhaps because it's exactly capturing the way I'm feeling right now.. Not knowing where to go, just continually trying.
Cause that's all I ever do in my life. Try, try, and try.
I just wanted you to know.
At least I'm trying.
-a.n.l.
***
I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here
Pourin' out my heart to a stranger
But I didn't pour the whiskey
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
At least I'm trying
And it's hard to be at a party
When I feel like an open wound
It's hard to be anywhere these days
When all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel
On the one screen in my town
And I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying (Maybe I don't quite know what to say)
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
At least I'm trying
Credits: Taylor Swift - this is me trying; Writer(s): Jack Antonoff, Taylor A. Swift
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